fortunebot

Thu, 06 Dec 2007 09:17:08 GMT

A hacker who screwed a mag tape
Was caught and convicted of rape.
To jail he did go,
From which, to his woe
He couldn't get out with ESC.

Thu, 06 Dec 2007 05:17:08 GMT

A proctologist name of McGee
once bent over double to see
an eyeball of glass
he had shoved up his ass,
"-- so I can see one that looks back at me."

From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
rights reserved, used with permission of the author.

Thu, 06 Dec 2007 01:17:08 GMT

Fakir, n:
A psychologist whose charismatic data have inspired almost
religious devotion in his followers, even though the sources seem to
have shinnied up a rope and vanished.

Wed, 05 Dec 2007 21:17:08 GMT

An artist should be fit for the best society and keep out of it.

Wed, 05 Dec 2007 17:17:07 GMT

The universe is like a safe to which there is a combination -- but the
combination is locked up in the safe.
-- Peter DeVries

Wed, 05 Dec 2007 13:17:06 GMT

I think we're in trouble.
-- Han Solo

Wed, 05 Dec 2007 09:17:06 GMT

One is often kept in the right road by a rut.
-- Gustave Droz

Wed, 05 Dec 2007 05:17:06 GMT

If God had intended Men to Smoke, He would have put Chimneys in their Heads.

Wed, 05 Dec 2007 01:17:06 GMT

Становясь в очередь к пивному ларьку, он мог спросить с
неописуемым высокомерием: "Н-ну-с, кто тут не побоится
признаться, что он последний?". На дрожащих с похмелья
остервенелых алкашей это производило неизгладимое
впечатление...
-- "Поиск предназначения, или Двадцать седьмая теорема этики"

Tue, 04 Dec 2007 21:17:06 GMT

Омерзительный, как окурок в писсуаре.
-- "Хромая судьба"

Tue, 04 Dec 2007 17:17:06 GMT

The society which scorns excellence in plumbing as a humble activity and
tolerates shoddiness in philosophy because it is an exalted activity will
have neither good plumbing nor good philosophy... neither its pipes nor
its theories will hold water.

Tue, 04 Dec 2007 13:17:06 GMT

Знаменитейший некогда бомбовоз, господа. Личный Его
Императорского Высочества Принца Кирну Четырех Золотых Знамен
Именной Бомбовоз "Горный Орел"...
-- "Обитаемый остров"

Tue, 04 Dec 2007 09:17:05 GMT

"Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real with
the ideal never goes unpunished."
-- Goethe

Tue, 04 Dec 2007 05:17:04 GMT

Women in love consist of a little sighing, a little
crying, a little dying -- and a good deal of lying.
-- Ansey

Tue, 04 Dec 2007 01:17:04 GMT

"By necessity, by proclivity, and by delight, we all quote. In fact,
it is as difficult to appropriate the thoughts of others as it is to
invent. (R. Emerson)"
-- Quoted from a fortune cookie program
(whose author claims, "Actually, stealing IS easier.")
[to which I reply, "You think it's easy for me to
misconstrue all these misquotations?!?"]

Mon, 03 Dec 2007 21:17:04 GMT

aphorism, n.:
A concise, clever statement.
afterism, n.:
A concise, clever statement you don't think of until too late.
-- James Alexander Thom

Mon, 03 Dec 2007 17:17:03 GMT

There was a young man of Ostend
Whose wife caught him fucking her friend.
"It's no use, my duck,
Interrupting our fuck,
For I'm damned if I draw till I spend."

Mon, 03 Dec 2007 13:17:03 GMT

There can be no daily democracy without daily citizenship.
-- Ralph Nader

Mon, 03 Dec 2007 09:17:02 GMT

И наконец, класс Г. Г оно и есть Г. (Зачеркнуто.)
-- "Отягощенные злом"

Mon, 03 Dec 2007 05:17:02 GMT

- Не разговаривать! - грозно заорал издали дежурный. - Кто
r`l к стене прислоняется? А ну, отслонись!
-- "Град обреченный"

Mon, 03 Dec 2007 01:17:02 GMT

"Speak, thou vast and venerable head," muttered Ahab, "which, though
ungarnished with a beard, yet here and there lookest hoary with mosses; speak,
mighty head, and tell us the secret thing that is in thee. Of all divers,
thou has dived the deepest. That head upon which the upper sun now gleams has
moved amid the world's foundations. Where unrecorded names and navies rust,
and untold hopes and anchors rot; where in her murderous hold this frigate
earth is ballasted with bones of millions of the drowned; there, in that awful
water-land, there was thy most familiar home. Thou hast been where bell or
diver never went; has slept by many a sailer's side, where sleepless mothers
would give their lives to lay them down. Thou saw'st the locked lovers when
leaping from their flaming ship; heart to heart they sank beneath the exulting
wave; true to each other, when heaven seemed false to them. Thou saw'st the
murdered mate when tossed by pirates from the midnight deck; for hours he fell
into the deeper midnight of the insatiate maw; and his murderers still sailed
on unharmed -- while swift lightnings shivered the neighboring ship that would
have borne a righteous husband to outstretched, longing arms. O head! thou has
seen enough to split the planets and make an infidel of Abraham, and not one
syllable is thine!"
-- H. Melville, "Moby Dick"

Sun, 02 Dec 2007 21:17:01 GMT

Killing is stupid; useless!
-- McCoy, "A Private Little War", stardate 4211.8

Sun, 02 Dec 2007 17:17:01 GMT

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

Sun, 02 Dec 2007 13:17:02 GMT

There was a young damsel named Baker
Who was poked in a pew by a Quaker.
He yelled, "My God! what
Do you call this -- a twat?
Why, the entrance is more than an acre!"

Sun, 02 Dec 2007 09:17:01 GMT

A middle-aged codger named Bruin
Found his love life completely in ruin,
For he flirted with flirts
Wearing pants and no skirts,
And he never got in for no screwin'.